I love perfume.

I am obsessed with good smells. I have a vast collection of perfume bottles and samples in my overcrowded bathroom, and I spend entirely too much time in the morning deciding what scent to wear. Mulling over perfumes might seem strange to some, but consider when you're next to someone who smells wonderful. It's intoxicating. My Grandma always smelled like heaven, and heaven was Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds. There is something exhilarating about the first whiff of perfume after you've just sprayed or dabbed it on. Whether it's a familiar standby or something new that makes you feel slightly unsure of yourself, fragrances are your own personal luxury.

In the world of journalism, discussing such a topic might not be hard hitting news, but I am comfortable in my own good-smelling skin. I just read an informative and funny new book called "Perfumes: The Guide" by Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez. Turin, a renowned scientist, and Sanchez, a perfume collector, are experts in the world of scent. Their book reviews and ranks almost two thousand scents, separating the good, the bad, and definitely the ugly. It was interesting to find out how my favorites fared, according to Turin and Sanchez's expert noses, but it was their witty and irreverent writing that made reading the book a fun experience. (I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I have a good collection of four and five-star perfumes.)

A few memorable excerpts:

"Like getting lemon juice in a paper cut." 212 by Carolina Herrera

"Makes you want to write a guide to sneakers." Adventure by Gant

"Like being stuck in an elevator for twelve hours with a tax accountant." Allure Homme Sport by Chanel

"… reveals a boring synthetic woody amber drydown plus PVC raincoat." Anglomaina, by Vivienne Westwood

" … Pine-Sol with freshly ground pepper." Atlas Cedar by Jean Charles Brosseau

"Words fail me." Burberry by Burberry

"OMG. PU." cK IN2U Her by Calvin Klein

"Anyone who wears this by choice probably dreams of buying a black Audi TT with his year-end bonus." Erolfa by Creed

And my favorite: "Hideously vile 50/50 mix of cheap shampoo and canned peaches." Heiress by Paris Hilton

Turin and Sanchez also wrote glowingly of their five-star choices, much like wine connoisseurs describing the facets of a good Cabernet. I Googled several of the highly rated scents and discovered that some are hard to find and others aren't as expensive as I thought they would be. I now have a long list of perfumes I want to try. Why does Christmas have to be so far off? For a summer present to myself, I just ordered 5-star rated Vanilia by L'Artisan Parfumeur because, as Turin explained, "this perfume is so totally devoid of chic it has become the reference holiday from propriety and convention, and by association the purest exemplar of summer fragrance. Enjoy it with a banana float, a sunburn, and really loud music. There will always be time for refinement later."

That's a summer to look forward to.

UPDATE:

Catherine, don't re-gift just yet!  Ck One was given four stars, but if you do happen to have ck IN2U, don't worry.  I have several one and two-star perfumes that I love and wear all the time.  If you like it,  that's all that matters. 
 
Susan, Pleasures is a wonderful scent.  I have always enjoyed it and so do the authors of the book.  Estee Lauder is a powerhouse in perfumery.  Their scents are considered revolutionary and often imitated.  It's rated five-star. 
 
Trish McEvoy's Blackberry Vanilla Musk lovely, however, it is not in the book.  Neither is Penhaligon's Lavandula.  I have the lotion and perfume of Blackberry Vanilla.  It's a little overwhelming at first but as it fades, it softens into something delicious.  I Googled Lavandula and it sounds interesting.  I will have to see if I can snare a sample. 
 
Sarah Jessica Parker's Lovely is one of the highest rated "celebrity" perfumes, with four-stars.  I have it and love it. Turin and Sanchez describe it as "This truly charming floral, about as edgy as a marshmallow and all the better for it, with a fresh gracious, melodic chord somewhere between lily of the valley and magnolia, which cascades down like the tune of a music box while you sit there transfixed by the intrinsic goodness of nice girls dressed in white.  Make you want to buy furry toys."