Nagging named a leading cause of divorce

By: Alex Hambrick Email
By: Alex Hambrick Email

GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. (KKCO) -- There are a couple common heavy hitters when it comes to causes for divorce, but one of the most common and toxic-- according to study in the Wall Street Journal-- is nagging.

Grand Junction resident Patrick Bronson said his marriage started to crumble a couple years ago, and he chalks it up to unrealistic expectations and --believe it or not-- nagging.

Another couple Andrea and Greg Haitz said when it comes to communicating effectively each of them had to learn to speak each others language.

"We realized how each of us perceived love and communication, and so I know he really likes physical touch, and I really like words of encouragement," said Andrea, a mother of two.

Andrea and Greg said they talk about everything-- from money to sex to their kids, and they try to avoid a disconnect at all costs.

"In our marriage, I tend to be the quiet one, more analytical, so I think and think and sometimes I'll get really quiet, which is difficult because she would rather talk about all of that," said Greg.

Patrick Bronson is dealing with divorce right now and said his marriage fell apart because he and his wife couldn't talk to each other.

"We had a really really strong relationship for the first six years of our marriage, and then it just got to a point where there was really poor communication," said Bronson.

And he said blames nagging.

"It's literally like having somebody take a baseball bat and thump you over the head over and over and even when you are on your knees pleading stop, in tears, literally it just never did, never did," said Bronson.

Counselor Scott Aber said he coaches couples to keep it present.

"If we just keep it today, like OK that bothered me, then we can talk about it right now, and --boom-- done," said Aber.

Greg said sometimes reminders can seem like nagging, but it's really about the way you present them.

"It becomes a love and respect issue; men want to be respected; wives want to be loved, and men don't feel respected when the are nagged and don't feel loved when they aren't listened to," said Greg.

Andrea said their marital bliss stems from being comfortable in their own skin first.

"When we both met each other, we realized that we had to be satisfied with who we both are, whether a mate came along or not, and for me I had to be really OK if I was going to be single the rest of my life or not," said Andrea.

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who became unhappy five years into their marriage had about a 20 percent increase in negative communication patterns, and that includes nagging.

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